Last week, we delved into the whole issue of forbidden love, citing examples of those relationships that are often viewed as off-limits. One common example is dating your friend's ex-partner. Having established that off-limits relationships can cause damage, affecting friendships and other social associations, the opinion of a counsellor was sought.

Counsellor at Family Life Ministries, Gloria Walters, says certain types of off-limits relationships are not foreign to Jamaica and during her practice she has been exposed to such occurrences.

One such relationship which many consider off-limits is dating a friend's ex-partner. Walters noted that she knew a husband and wife of 25 years who became separated. After the separation woman's friend pursued her husband. The separation, eventually led to the development of a relationship between the friend and husband. The relationship, however, didn't last and after five years the husband ended up reuniting with his wife.

Even though that particular case did not last between the 'new' lover and the husband, Walters says there are cases where they have worked.

Tense issue

Forming these kinds of relationships, though, is a delicate and tense issue, says Walters, and can cause a drift in friendships and other type of relationships. As it relates to friendship, the counsellor says some deep analysis of the situation would have to be done.

"Ask yourself if it is right - should I? I mean, think about the time factor too, if the break-up happened last week and it is found out that the next week you are in a relationship with the ex, you could possibly be judged and blame could be cast on you. There could also be speculation that you were one of the reasons for the break-up or that something was going on during their relationship even though it might not be the case".

Walters stated that each situation is unique and would have to be treated differently. There will come a point when the relationship will have to be disclosed, but how does someone say to their friend, "I am dating your ex"? "It could be a difficult task. Some people will be fearful to tell a friend, especially a good friend, but it would be best for all those involved. Break it gently but in some cases you can let the person find out on his/her own. However, be prepared to accept that the friendship may end."

As it relates to someone dating an ex of a close family member like their mother, Walters says it is not something she would promote. "Imagine having to take your partner who was once dating your mother to a family gathering or to your family house. I don't think so".

There can be different views and interpretations of certain relationships which are considered off-limits and the counsellor says many may view such relationships as disrespectful. She also encourages persons who want to enter into the 'forbidden' territory to understand what caused the break-up and be very cautious.

Walters says like everything else, "It is important to think before you act. Things do happen but be careful with the decisions you make."

latoya.grindley@gleanerjm.com