Being a parent can be rewarding and fulfilling. However, what do you do when your child only responds when you yell, won't do homework, or won't help around the house? Here are some guidelines.

1. My child only responds when I yell

What is most important in disciplining your child effectively is how you communicate - what you say and how you say it are key, together with consistency. Discipline with words that are instructive, not destructive; provide encouragement, and are caring, not harsh. If children feel that you love them and respect them, they are more likely to comply. Remember that what you do, such as yelling and being violent, teaches your child that that is an acceptable way to respond to anger or frustration! Gain cooperation with your first request:

Give an instruction once in a firm, friendly voice.

Second time, repeat the instruction, but give a warning with the consequences when they do not comply.

The third time, you must follow through with the consequences regardless of whether they are ready to comply.

Always keep your voice and words firm, fair and friendly when giving either a reward or punishment.

It is very important that you inform your children of the new procedures and consequences before you put the new rules in place.

2. My child won't help around the house

It is very important for children to help with household duties, as it builds self-confidence (a feeling of 'I am trusted', 'I am capable'); gives them a sense of belonging; and builds the awareness of being a significant contributing member of the family. It is important to start at a young age (even from five years old), with age-appropriate tasks.

Let your child know when a chore needs to be completed, acknowledge him or her when the chore has been completed, and let him or her know you appreciate the help by saying, 'thank you'. Try to avoid money as a reward for chores. Don't be too hard to please, or else your child may avoid helping in the future.

Have a family list of chores to indicate that everyone is involved. If you have more than one child, don't make the chores gender-based, rotate the chores. Each child can gain a sense of achievement by being able to check off the chores as they are done. Remember, your child will test to see if he or she can 'get away with not doing chores'. Listen to the complaints, but the job still has to be done.

3. My child won't do homework

Homework helps children become disciplined, consistent and responsible.

Take an interest and assist in the homework. If positive, children will respond well to your attention at homework time. They will take a greater interest, accept that homework is important, and take care to do it well. Children will feel supported and think that their activities are important to you. Don't berate them for mistakes.

Assign homework time at home and maintain it so it becomes a habit.

Keep an area only for doing homework, if possible. Do not allow your child to study or do homework on a bed, as this encourages sleepiness and a lack of focus.

Be available for questions your child may raise.

Visit your child's teacher.

Be involved in your child's school as much as possible.

Dr. H. Grace Muftizade, counselling psychologist offers counselling to adults and children with stress and anxiety-based emotional and behavioural issues; Parental Guidance; and a Relax Kids program that calms children, builds confidence and self-esteem, and increases positive thinking in children. Contact number: 586-2015