A FEW years ago a photographer employed to this newspaper captured deacon Ronald Thwaites having a bottle of Red Stripe beer.

That was a long time ago, but his utterances in Parliament last Tuesday leaves us to wonder if there were any lingering effects of that sip.

The Central Kingston member of parliament has been the shining star in the House. But obviously frustrated by the level of contempt with which executive agencies of Government have subjected Parliament, he wants legislators to consider shutting down these important departments if they fail to furnish the House with their annual reports on time.

Thwaites suggested that no provision should be made in the Budget to fund agencies in breach. He also suggested that the agencies be closed if they do not comply with orders within 24 months.

Sharing concern

While we are as concerned as Thwaites about the fact that executive agencies have seemingly made it a practice to shy away from informing Parliament as to how taxpayers' money is being spent, we can't help but think Thwaites, while speaking, had the company of that famous spirited man and his nephews.

Shutting down agencies, or not funding them because they are non-compliant, would be tantamount to using a razor blade to cut one's veins in order to teach the body a lesson.

Fiscal Services Ltd, for example, has just given Parliament its annual report for the 2002/2003 financial year. If Thwaites has his way, agencies like Fiscal Services would either be closed or starved of cash.

What would be the implications for the country? Fiscal Services is an information service company which provides computer services, such as software development and technical support to nine government agencies, departments and ministries.

It has been very tardy in reporting to Parliament and this makes oversight by the country's highest court near impossible. Thwaites, in an unusual fit of madness, would shut it down.

Well, let's try that for a day and see where it leads us, especially if the computer system at Customs begins to malfunction.

One gets the feeling that Thwaites will only understand the gravity of his moment of madness when he feels the weight of The Gavel on his head today.

We won't kill him though, because he has been the model parliamentarian and even the Bible teaches that the best of men stumble at times. The Gavel will hit him back on his previously sensible path and hopes that he stays there.

Thwaites and his stupidity aside, The Gavel is wavering on who is the Palin mimic?

On Tuesday, Government member Robert Montague referred to Lisa Hanna, the opposition spokesman on information, as Sarah Palin. Hanna appeared a bit unsure of the follow-up questions to ask Information Minister Olivia Grange on the lease of FM 90 to Nationwide News Network. It was the seasoned duo of Dr Omar Davies and Dr Peter Phillips who came to her assistance.

Olivia Palin?

That aside, Hanna et al tried desperately to get Grange to respond to straightforward questions. And it was not the case that Grange was skilfully dodging them. The information minister was just clearly out of her league and she failed even to demonstrate a level of comfort with her own material. Seems to us that we should be saying, Olivia Palin!

However, it doesn't mean that Hanna is exonerated. She definitely needs a razor tooth. We hope, however, that she does not grow up to become a K.D. Knight.

Again Knight has found a way to make himself the story. But we have news for the Sheriff and we are not going to stoop to the level where we would unceremoniously tilt your felt hat. However, by now, you should realise that Gordon House is not your parade ground. We appreciate the work you have been doing as a member of the Senate.

Your insight, knowledge and judgement have been sound. Continue serving your country, but please, when you sit in the chamber of Parliament, spare us your sound bites! It's for your own good, Sheriff, and we urge you to discontinue that narcissistic approach to the business of the country - unless you want to be remembered as the chamber Clown.

thegavel@gleanerjm.com