Everyone can give advice, but it's up to parents to execute the task. I recently confronted several 'seasoned' mothers and fathers for their views on discipline.

Two important considerations are consistency and leading by example. If you, as parents, are not unified in your decisions, this confuses the child and leads him or her to play you off each other. Likewise, if your rules aren't constant from early on, then your youngsters are unlikely to know what's really right. You cannot tell children to do as you say unless you do as you say!

While teaching obedience, you should continue to show your child that you love him or her. Saying 'You're a naughty boy/girl' can have negative connotations. Instead, try 'What you did was naughty'. You want to chastise the action your child did.

Jamaicans are fairly united towards slapping children for bad behaviour, such as tantrums and dishonesty, or when the words 'don't do that' fall on deaf ears, or if a child is harmful to himself or others. There should be warnings but, as one mother of three puts it, "If they don't hear me, then they'll have to feel me".

Pointless

However, most parents agree that hitting older children is pointless. I even asked 10-year-olds, who felt it was a lame punishment. The same was said about 'time outs'. Taking away privileges like sleep overs, television, or favourite games is often more effective provided you change it up. The child might no longer have an interest in what his preferred 'thing' was last month! Likewise, a two-year-old is too young to care. A slap on the hand or 10 minutes of time out holds more weight for him or her.

What about allowing children to reason with you when they disagree with your punishments? It depends on the issues, the children and their ages. It is important to listen to them and their side of the story at certain times, especially as they mature. Everyone wants a bit of respect, including children. Some believe that five is a good time to listen to reasoning, although there ought to be no negotiation when tantrums are involved! Anyway you decide, the child must know who is in charge and that he or she does not rule you!

How do parents encourage their children to listen to and respect adults, eat properly with appropriate table manners, do homework or behave in general? Routine is paramount in all that a child does. This includes getting ready for school, breakfast, homework, after-school activities, dinner and bed time. Children thrive on routine, but in some scenarios there must be flexibility so they don't melt down when faced with something atypical. Tell them in the morning what's on the agenda. Knowing what to expect helps them stick to the rules.

What about self-responsibility? Isn't that important? From the moment your toddlers walk, teach them to tidy up their toys, put their clothes in the laundry basket, wash their hands before mealtimes and stack their plates and utensils by the kitchen sink. As they grow older, they can dress themselves, make their beds and help set the table.

Independence

The adults in the house, whether parents or helpers, are there to protect children, not to run around cleaning up after them! Independence is a part of discipline.

If you want your children to keep their feet on the ground, put some responsibility on their shoulders. - Abigail Van Buren

- E.B.

Tips for disciplining children

1. Lead by example

2. Follow through with your threats

3. Be consistent

4. Be loving

5. Stick to a routine as much as possible

6. Encourage independence.