Domestic violence is a common social problem the world over. Psychologists and sociologists say any such behaviour is unwholesome and couples who find themselves in such a situation run the risk of getting serious physical and emotional harm or being killed. The following story is real and many people might find it disturbing. While there are many lessons to be learned from it, it does not condone or support domestic or spousal abuse.

You would have thought the red marks on his black face and neck were inflicted by some vicious four-legged animal. But you wouldn't know unless you had asked. So, when The Gleaner enquired, the response was somewhat shocking. "A mi girlfriend dweet!" he said, smiled and looked away.

That is the embarrassment that this 27-year-old central Jamaican fruit vendor, who shall remain nameless, must be going through, because the marks are oh so obvious, and people are going to be asking questions. But, embarrassed or not, he was ready to tell his story.

Very recently, he went to a nightclub. Upon his return home, he was wreaking of an odour that said he had not behaved himself. His 18-year-old girlfriend sniffed and sniffed away. She confronted him. He ignored her because he knew he had done wrong. Moreover, he was too tired and weak. Too much party, too much 'Gungo' (an aphrodisiac).

He collapsed on to the bed. She turned off the light, and joined him in the dark. He was about to drift away into dreamland when he felt her weight on him. The irate young woman then began to scratch his face. He didn't retaliate, because he was too drained.

She scratched him some more. He cannot fight back, he's too sleepy. She sat on him, grabbed his throat and squeezed it with all her might. He couldn't breath, but he eventually mustered enough strength to leave the bed.

"When she squeeze mi throat mi feel like mi (wind) pipe cut right off. I would really fight back that night, but I didn't have the power and the will because when I am going to go-go I don't go natural." Well, in Jamaican parlance, 'what sweet him sour him'.

It is a bittersweet romance that these two have between themselves since she was about 13 years old. It's a life of fighting this minute and making up the next. He loves her and she him, but there is too much bickering. Yet, she is kind to him and does care. Through thick and thin she is with him, and that's what he cherishes most.

"Nobody knows when the two of us hungry, that's why I respect her," he declared.

Loving arms

Once, he moved out when she was at work. Soon, she was back into his loving arms.

"My life is not really a bed of roses. I go through a whole heap a trouble with her but, because mi love har, mi just stay, " he reflected.

Her love for him was once demonstrated, he said, when a thorn went into one of his feet, and she used a knife to remove it. Infection set in, and he claimed he got a mini-stroke to the point where his movements were affected. She went to see him in hospital three times a day until he was out of danger.

He recalled: "Half of my face was dead, and all when mi mother them was never there for me, she was there for me in every way. So, sometimes I really look on those things. Although the living bad sometimes, otherwise I have to give her the preference because she is a good girl to me."

Such is the ambivalence of the life he leads with her.

However, their topsy-turvy lifestyle almost turned deadly. Sometime ago she slapped him before a gathering, and he was so embarrassed he stabbed her with a knife.

"Mi deh somewhere one a di time, and she come and a bother me, and say she ready. Mi say go on, mi soon come. Anyway, she box me in the crowd, and a shame. Mi have mi knife pon mi, so mi go 'Bam!', and give har a juck, and mi feel the knife stickish. When mi realise when me tek it out a pure blood mi see pon it," he said.

Frightened, he ran off, but fell, got up, and ran away. He got two calls to say she was dead, and he went into turmoil.

Miserable

"I actually went crazy that day. I was mad, miserable and everything. The person call me in 10 minutes times, and tell me that he was joking. I would absolutely die," he said, laughing.

For the four weeks she was in the hospital on life support, he didn't go to see her because the police were waiting to pounce on him. He was worried about her, but afraid to get locked up. He claimed her family was lenient with him because she was the one who was attacking him.

"Her family back me, saying she always a provoke me. So we compromise it. Her mother and her family were on my side, so mi get the go-ahead, we compromise the case, " he said.

When he saw her on her release, he couldn't say a word.

"I have to jus look at her and cry. She look at me and say 'A cyan believe yuh do me this', and a jus burst out in tears. She hug me and start to cry too."

Now they are expecting their first child together, and hope one day to get married. Even so, his advice to himself and anybody who is in a similar situation is: "If you and a person are together, and you cannot live good, it's better you depart."

But, will he stop going to the nightclub, where he can get $500 worth of pleasure, and will she stop scratching him, leaving all sorts of spots on his face? Time will tell.

paul.williams@gleanerjm.com