Q: My aunt, whose children are all grown up, is constantly giving me advice on child-rearing, especially in public, and sometimes I do not want to hear from her. She thinks that I hug and kiss my children too much (they are six and eight) and that this will spoil them. How do I tell her to stop?

A: You should tell your aunt that you want to speak with her alone and take her to a quiet place where you both will be comfortable. Then you should share with her your concerns of where and when she shares her opinions on how you are raising your children. Let her know that you appreciate her concerns, but your child-raising style is different. It is quite okay to hug and kiss your children. In a few years you might not be able to hug them as you wish.

Q: I am a 45-year-old mother of a two-year-old child. I made a decision to have this child as age was catching up on me. I have not even told the father. Now I need financial and all types of help. My job is hectic, with long hours. My mother is not able to help me as much as she used to. I do not regret having my son but I need guidance. It's complicated. What do I do?

A: You need to find a psychologist or a counsellor who will be able to help you explore and resolve the many issues that have now caused you some distress. I do think you should let the father of the child know that he has a son. You will also benefit from financial counselling and you need to organise your child-care plans so that your son will be in good care at all times. Remember to find time to relax and take care of yourself emotionally.

Q: My parents will be moving in to live with us as daddy had a stroke and mom is too old to care for him by herself. I have three children. They are eight, 12 and 16. We have not told them yet and there might be a problem as mom is very bossy and the children do not get along with her. Financially, this is our only option. I am not ready for the possible headache. Help.

A: Sit with your children and share with them the plans of how the family will now be helping grandma and grandpa, explaining the reasons for the plans as simply and clearly as you can. Talk with your mother and remind her that the children are concerned that she can be bossy and you may even let her know that you want her to mainly concentrate on helping your father. Have a family meeting with grandma to let everyone know that you are a family who is now going to live together. If you do not have family worship, this would be an excellent opportunity to start. Remember, the care you show for your parents will guide your children in how they may care for you.

Orlean Brown-Earle, PhD, is a child psychologist and family therapist. Dr Brown-Earle works with children with learning and behaviour problems throughout the island and in the Caribbean. Email questions to helpline@gleanerjm.com or send to Ask the Doc, c/o The Gleaner Company, 7 North Street, Kingston.