H. Grace Muftizade, Contributor
POSITIVE Parenting
What do you do when your child starts cursing, biting other children or throwing temper tantrums? Here are some guidelines.
1. My child curses and we don't curse at home
Check source. Calmly ask "why did you use that word?" or "where did you hear that word?" Don't respond with shock or anger. If your child is looking for attention, this may encourage the behaviour.
Family members need to set an example. Children learn what they see and hear. If the source is television, movies or video games, limit them. Explain swearing. The first time, explain that swearing can be offensive. If swearing occurs out of frustration or anger, acknowledge those feelings and talk about and model diffe-rent ways to express there emotions. Set rules and consequences. The first time, explain the consequences for swearing; in future, give time-out for younger children, loss of a privilege like television or computer for pre-teens/teens. Be consistent with consequences.
2. My toddler bites
Biting is common among toddlers, occurring between 13-30 months, and stops around age three.
Give enough toys and activities to curb fighting over toys.
Have many 'favourite' toys so very young children will not have to wait long to play with it.
Watch out for predictors or frustrating situations when child might lose control. Decrease the number of children your child plays near or shorten the playtime.
Time-out. Tell your child that biting is unacceptable. Take him to a special time-out area, one to two minutes. Longer time-outs are ineffective for toddlers.
Teach alternatives to biting, for example saying 'no' if another child is doing something he doesn't like, or offering a teething ring if he looks like he might bite a child.
Keep your child in sight, and if he bites, immediately remove him from the situation. When he plays well, compliment him. This builds self-esteem.
Explain that Biting hurts others and is not allowed. Consistently remove child when he bites. He will learn to stop biting if he wants to play with others.
Never hit child when he bites. Toddlers are unlikely to connect their behaviour with the physical punishment. This teaches violence as an appropriate response to anger or frustration, which is the habit you are trying to break!
3. My child throws temper tantrums!
Temper tantrums are toddlers' way of coping with frustration and overwhelming emotions. Show love and talk through the frustration.
Address the behaviour. As soon as it starts, without getting angry or giving in to child, say: "When you stop crying we'll talk about it and see what can be done." Then walk into the next room. Tantrums stop more quickly in the absence of an interested audience.
Show love. Hold child if she comes to you during a tantrum and she's too young to be left alone, but don't respond to what she wants until she calms down.
Get privacy. In public, take child to a private corner to wait for him to calm down. Ignore bystanders' glares. Tell him "I'll sit with you until you stop screaming". If he doesn't stop after three to four minutes, take him home.
Model emotional coping techniques to cope with stress and anger, for example "I'm upset now, but I'm going to figure out how to fix this."
Dr H. Grace Muftizade, counselling psychologist, offers counselling to adults and children with stress and anxiety-based emotional and behavioural issues; parental guidance; and a Relax Kids programme that calms children, builds confidence and self-esteem, and increases positive thinking in children. Contact number: 586-2015.