POSITIVE Parenting

Parents who have a stable, loving relationship model a shining example of love and marriage for their children. Bearing in mind that children live what they learn, parents should argue and nit-pick away from their kids.

Mary Clarke, children's advocate, said when interpersonal conflicts are resolved with physical and verbal abuse, it is sending a message that it's an acceptable behaviour so the minors will resolve their conflict in similar manner.

"Resolve conflicts between partners out of the presence and hearing of children and desist from using indecent languages in the home," Clarke said.

Don't transfer frustration

She stressed that parents should desist from transferring the frustration with their partner to the children, as they should never be suffering the consequence of that.

Despite the disagreement, the expert said children should learn to love and respect both parties.

"Try not to demean the parent with the children even if it reaches the extent of one parent withdrawing duties of caring for the family," she informed.

Parental arguments can affect children in a variety of ways.

Clinical psychologist Dr Karen Richards argued that children raised in households where there are frequent quarrels often tend to be depressed, fearful and withdrawn. They may seem eager to please their parents in an attempt to keep the peace.

"Parents should be careful with how they argue as it will traumatise the children and may affect their learning and other aspects of their lives," Richards declared.

Kids tend to pick up and imitate what is happening around them, so parental arguments can affect their behaviours.

According to research, the psychologist said, boys who witness violence in their homes are more likely to become the perpetrators of domestic violence.

"They will believe violence is the answer to conflict and girls could also grow to accept men beating them," she disclosed.

"I saw a young man who has an extremely violent father and, as a result, he is scared to be angry as he believes he will become like his dad. Because of that, people take advantage of him," she added.

Additionally, she stated that parents should not say bad things about each other in the presence of the children as it will be confusing and emotionally damaging.

"Don't allow your anger to get you to blurt things out about your partner in front of the children, as it undermines the partner in the eyes of the children."

Effect on future behaviour

Most disturbingly, parental arguments can affect children's future behaviour. Children who hear their parents argue are forever marked, forever changed. Even seemingly minor arguments between parents on an ongoing basis change the basic nature of their children's personalities.

However, the expert said controlled disagreement can teach children that they won't agree at all times, while it is teaching them how to deal with conflicts when they arise.

"Disagreement in front of your children can be reasonable, but there must be some boundaries so that it doesn't escalate into a slinging match," she continued.

She informed that stability is important at the end of an argument, and where an apology is needed, it should be done in front of the children.