It pains me to know that you all believe what you have read and what people, even some of you lawyers, have been saying about me. From the puss who thief the milk from the coffee to the picking of the apple from the tree, I have been blamed for every sin committed in this universe. And, in all of this, where is the evidence?

They claimed I brought sin into this world; I was the one who tempted Eve. I have never met the woman! As a matter of fact, I do not think she existed. Nor, have I ever been to Eden. Why would I want to leave my warm abode to go to a place with all sorts of pretty flowers?

Moreover, no one has ever seen me, yet they have all sorts of drawings of me with horns and an arrow-tipped tail. How did I come to have horns and tail and I am not an animal? As if I am the ugliest man around. I know I don't look like some of them in Parliament, one whole heap a flesh under them chin and on them belly, and I don't want to call any name lest I get into more trouble.

corrupting youths' minds

I think it's time you took responsibility for your deeds and stop blaming me. I have had enough. My anger is at boiling point and up here is already hot. Can't you find somebody else to blame? What about the deejays who are corrupting the minds of the youths, and the politicians who have created dons and donnettes.

Nobody ever asked me to tell my side of the story, but I won't say a word since you did not have the courtesy to ask. And, in case you are thinking of coming to Hell, forget it, you are not welcome. I do not want any one of you to come up here to tell any lie on me. Just leave me alone, because contrary to what you have heard, it is very nice up here.

And, I did not come up here because of any punishment. You see, I like the warmer climes. The air is quite salubrious and it's nothing like the Riverton City dump. So, you can stay down there and inhale all the obnoxious fumes and find someone else to carry unoo burden, duh!

too miserable

And as for that Agatha Innerarity, who wrote a letter to the editor last week, talking about, inter alia, that she wasn't in Hell because she has not seen me yet. Tell her to stay right there in May Pen Cemetery, because up here is hotter, and more so, she is too miserable.

oxydmoron@gmail.com