Title: When Love's in View Finding focus in Dating and Relationships

Author: Dr Conway & Jada Edwards

Publisher: Moody Publishers Chicago

Reviewer: Barbara Nelson

Question 8: Why does God allow us to have urges that we can't control - in other words, natural, strong desires - knowing that we can't do anything about them while single? I've prayed those urges away, but I still get them often. I do monitor who I'm around, what I watch, and what I listen to, and I stay in the word, in church, and in constant prayer.

Answer: First Thessalonians 4: 1-8 contends that purity is God's will for His people. First Corinthians 6:13-20 informs us that (1) we are to flee fornication; (2) we are not our own; and (3) we were bought with a price. The urges we have were never intended to be acted on in our single life. They are meant to be used only within the context of marriage.

This is part of Chapter 8: Frequently Asked Questions, in the book that, Dr Tony Evans, senior pastor, Oak Cliff Bible Fellowship and president, The Urban Alternative says, 'provides single men and women, regardless of their age, a road map to follow in identifying, meeting, courting and marrying God's best.'

The authors, Dr Conway and Jada Edwards, write from personal experience and point out to Christian singles that "the issues in life do not disappear when love finds you. Marriage is not a guarantee of happiness or joy - it is hard work."

In their story, the couple explains that while they both wanted to be married someday "we made the decision as singles to allow God to have control in that area of our lives. We were also committed to serving Him faithfully until his perfect will became evident".

The book has 8 chapters:

The Journey Begins

The Man You are Becoming

One Man's Experience

The Woman You are Becoming

One Woman's Experience

Who's Your Comforter?

Experiencing Healthy Relationships

One Couple's Experience

Got F.A.I.T.H.?

Our Story: He Said, She Said

Frequently Asked Questions

Conway Edwards, a Jamaican, relates a story that, he said, began when God chose to teach him about spiritual maturity. It came through a platonic friendship he developed with a young woman, while he was serving as youth pastor at a church in California some three years after going to the United States.

He tells how his constant attention and companionship made her feel that the relationship would naturally lead to marriage. But that was far from his mind. "I was too young, too selfish and too prideful to even consider that her emotional investment in our relationship was far greater than mine."

emotional distress

The hubris he exhibited and the young woman's emotional distress caused the elders in his home church to become involved. Edwards had to agree to take Christian counselling. He decided to share what he learned with unmarried persons. "I couldn't even imagine how many men had no clue how their casual behaviour could have such a painful impact on women."

From that springboard, Edwards jumps into the chapter on becoming a REAL man. That involves rejecting passivity, keeping Eternity in mind, having Awareness and being prepared to Love someone consistently.

Jada Edwards writes that in order to fulfil one's role a woman of God must be prepared to SERVE - Support, Empower, Relate, Value and Enhance. A woman's role is not a weak one, she says. A woman should be strong and undergird a man who knows his purpose in life.

Among the maxims she puts forward are, avoiding inappropriate behaviour that would involve pursuing or engaging in physical, emotional or spiritual oneness with a man to whom she is not married; dressing modestly; sexual purity before marriage and understanding that the man should be the initiator in a relationship.

The book encourages the reader to find contentment in God and believe that He has a plan for his or her life. It also advises women to have 'a covering' that is, an individual or a couple whose wisdom and behaviour are consistent with biblical principles.

When Love's in view is hard-hitting in many chapters, especially in the one that deals with the seven-point character inspection. This involves, for example, looking beyond the external and superficial attributes to a person's real character; or checking the 'dipstick' that is, the tongue - the instrument that will show what is in a person's heart.

Dr Edwards serves as director of singles at Oak Cliff Bible Fellowship where he is pastoral assistant to Dr Tony Evans. He is also the president of the National Centre for Christian Leadership in Jamaica. His wife serves with him in the singles ministry as well as at the National Centre.