Q Doctor, I am female, 27 years old, and engaged to a guy of 40. We were happy up until two months ago, when he accidentally left his emails open.

I looked at them and I found out that he was into 'Internet affairs'.

I was really hurt by this, because he had told me that he does not flirt online. I did believe him, until I saw the emails.

We argued about my discovery, but then we discussed it more coolly. I hoped that I could move on after that.

But ... my problem now is that I am highly suspicious of what he does online. I try to turn a blind eye to what he is going at his keyboard, but I can't help noticing things.

For instance, if he is talking to someone on the net and I walk into the room, he will immediately close down the page.

We are supposed to be getting married soon, but I am wondering if this is something I will have to live with? Do you think I am overreacting?

ANo, I do not. You may be interested to know that this is one of today's commonest relationship problems. Throughout the world, millions of men - and some women - have discovered that it is possible to enjoy 'sexy talk' on the Internet with other human beings. Apparently, they find this very exciting.

What often happens is that a guy finds some 'lady friend' that he can chat to on the net. They then write the most outrageous things to each other. To be frank, what often occurs is that the participants actually masturbate while sitting in front of their screens.

This may seem rather foolish to the rest of us. But folks who are into it seem to feel that it is a good way of relieving sexual tensions. They say that the advantages are:

There is totally anonymity - except if someone stumbles across their emails

You cannot get pregnant this way

You can't catch VD or HIV

You don't have to worry about what you look like, because the other person cannot see you.

Despite these 'advantages', this activity is a definite example of UNFAITHFULNESS to one's partner.

And as you know, your discovery of what your fiancé was up to was pretty traumatic for you. Indeed, I have been consulted by quite a few women who were reduced to bitter tears when they found that their guys were fooling around with somebody else on the Net.

Now, is your partner STILL playing around with other ladies on the Internet? I would say that the answer is probably 'Yes'. After all, why does he suddenly close things down when you walk into the room?

If he were innocent, surely, he would let you look at what is on the screen - so as to reassure you that he is not fooling around with some nice lady somewhere.

In the last year or two it has become clear that a lot of guys who go in for 'Internet sex' are really ADDICTED to it - in the same way that one can be addicted to nicotine, alcohol or other drugs. So it is not all that easy for them to give it up. A few men actually go to therapists or counsellors to help them 'break' that addiction.

Honestly, I think that is what your fiancé should do. If he had some sessions with a good therapist, there is a chance that he might be able to stop all this foolishness of having sex on the Net.

But if he isn't willing to make some serious effort to clean up his act, I really do not think that you should be going ahead with this marriage. Do you want to spend the rest of your life in an 'eternal triangle' - a triangle made up of you, your husband and a computer screen?

QI am male, age 28, and from my teenage years I have had attacks of blisters on my penis. Whenever they came up, I applied Betnovate ointment, and this helped them. They went away again.

Now I am engaged to a girl, so I decided to have a check-up by a doctor. He examined me and did tests, and he has found that I have the herpes virus. He also told me that there is no cure for it.

I have now found out that it is highly contagious. So I think my life is ruined. What should I do about this marriage?

AI am sorry to hear your sad story. Herpes is common. It is caught from having sex with an infected person. And the usual symptoms it produces are painful blisters on the genitals. It is true that the virus tends to stay with you for life.

However, I think you have made a rather gloomy interpretation of what the doc told you. Although the herpes virus stays in your body, it is often the case that the attacks become less and less severe as the years go by. Incidentally, do NOT use Betnovate ointment in future attacks. This is a strong steroid, and it ISN'T the right treatment for herpes.

You may be surprised to know that some people with herpes do get married. Furthermore, there is a reasonable chance that they will not pass the virus on to their sexual partners. However, they have to use condoms, and they must avoid all sexual contact during flare-ups of the disease. Even so, their partners may become infected.

So getting married when you have herpes is indeed a big step. What I feel you MUST do now is to talk to your fiancée about your problem, and see how she feels about it.

She may be willing to marry you, despite the herpes - I have known this to happen.

Incidentally, have you already had sex with her? If so, then she MUST get a good medical examination and tests.

In my view, the two of you should go to a clinic where they have a lot of experience in dealing with herpes, and see what they advise. Your life is NOT 'ruined', but you must take great care of your health - and your fiancee's health, too.

QI am a guy of 46, and I seem to be losing my nature. Would it be all right for me to take Viagra, doc?

AProbably. But first you should go to a doctor for a check-up. In particular, the doc will want to find out if you have 'sugar' - which is often a cause of loss of potency. He will also look to see if you have any signs of coronary heart disease - because erectile dysfunction is frequently an 'early warning' of this.

QI have to take a hysterectomy operation next month. Does this mean my sex life is over, doc?

ANot at all. The vast majority of ladies who have hysterectomy operations are able to resume successful intercourse within two months of the operation.

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